Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
