How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
