At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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