Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
