I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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