I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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