My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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