C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize