I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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