2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
