I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
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