Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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