One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
