I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
