You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
