I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A bitchslap is in order.
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