Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
