i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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