real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
