Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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