Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
40s are totally the cure
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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