Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
