He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
