I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
