You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
