Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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