i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
