Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
