can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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