I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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