The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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