community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
