I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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