if you like me you must not know who I am
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
