i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I intend to get homeless drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
