my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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