That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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