I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize