Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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