and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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