i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
