Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
