It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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