Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
