it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize