you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he told me I talked like a deaf person
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
