i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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