I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
