Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
