Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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