oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
