Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
