grandma shit on top of the toilet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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