i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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