I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize