So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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