I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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