my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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