You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
