Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize