"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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