He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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