I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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