It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize