Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
