I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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