remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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