Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
