At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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