After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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