does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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