Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
is that a dick in a sweater?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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