so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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