Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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