Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?

Fav 17 1257 5281
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(248): View more from Michigan

Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

Fav 43 1650 7352
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(504): View more from Louisiana

today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please

Fav 26 6021 1053
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(516): View more from New York

Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

Fav 15 1012 5590
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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

Fav 17 1744 985
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(443): View more from Maryland

We still on for coffee?

(410): View more from Maryland

Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.

Fav 5 817 1442
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.

Fav 3 800 543
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?

Fav 0 23 37
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