He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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