I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
