why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
