dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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