I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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