Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
