We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
