smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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