Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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