he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
