If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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