the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
