If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
