I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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