He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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