Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
