Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
