I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
