Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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