My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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