Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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